Building Better Relationships

Emanuel

Welcome back to "!" I’m your host, Emanuel Najeeullah, and today, we’re talking about something that has puzzled people for centuries—what do men want from a relationship, and what do women want from a relationship? I’m joined today by the brilliant Dr. Angela J Holmes—welcome, Dr. Holmes and it's Good to be here with you today.

Angela

Thanks, Emanuel! It’s great to be here. Congratulations on your podcast, "A Man's Perspective." I’m excited for this conversation. We’re going to have a lot of fun with this one because, let’s face it, men and women don’t always seem to want the same things the same way. But when we understand those differences, that’s where the magic happens.

Emanuel

Absolutely. So let’s dive in.

Emanuel

Let’s start with men—what do we really want from a relationship? The most basic way I can put it is: and . A man wants to feel respected—not just in the big things, but in the everyday moments. We want a woman who values our opinions, who listens to us, and respects our efforts and gives us PEACE. It’s a simple thing, but it’s essential.

Angela

Oh, 100%! Respect and peace are huge. But let’s not forget that men also want . It’s not just about feeling respected; men want to feel like their efforts are recognized, whether it’s in their career, in the relationship, or just their day-to-day contributions. It doesn’t have to be extravagant praise, but a little acknowledgment goes a long way, right?

Emanuel

Exactly. And you know what’s wild? Alotta, of it, is just... miscommunication. Like, men might not say it, but we want emotional connection too. We crave it—

Emanuel

I totally agree. A simple “thank you” can mean the world. And let’s not forget . We don’t want to be micromanaged or questioned constantly. A man wants to feel like he’s trusted to make decisions for the relationship and the family. We don’t always need to be told what to do. Sometimes, just being trusted to do things our way feels like we’ve won the lottery.

Angela

You’re absolutely right! And women, well, we sometimes assume that men should just intuitively know what we need without us saying it. Let me tell you, that assumption causes more arguments than almost anything else! And for women, trust is just as important! But here’s the kicker, Emanuel— is key. Women want to feel like they are emotionally seen and heard in the relationship. It’s not just about doing things together or making plans. It’s about how we connect on a deeper level, how we communicate our feelings, and how supported we feel emotionally. For women, if we don’t have that emotional intimacy, it feels like we’re not really seen. And for women, trust is just as important! But here’s the kicker, Emanuel— is key. Women want to feel like they are emotionally seen and heard in the relationship. It’s not just about doing things together or making plans. It’s about how we connect on a deeper level, how we communicate our feelings, and how supported we feel emotionally. For women, if we don’t have that emotional intimacy, it feels like we’re not really seen.

Emanuel

Absolutely, Angela. Emotional intimacy is a game-changer. Now, men might not always be great at showing their emotions or talking about feelings—but I think it’s important for women to understand that men need to process things too. Sometimes, a man just needs a little time to think things through before he’s ready to open up. It’s not that we’re shutting down—it’s that we’re figuring out how to express ourselves.

Angela

Right, and women are often more willing to talk things through immediately, which can be a bit of a mismatch sometimes. But men, here’s the thing—you need to meet us halfway! We can’t always be the ones reaching out emotionally. A woman wants to know that her man is emotionally available. It’s not about being perfect or saying the right things all the time, but we need to feel like we’re both in it together.

Emanuel

Guilty! But hey, it’s not like men are some kind of mystery, either. So true. And I think this is where the idea of comes into play. Men need to understand that women don’t just want to hear “I’m fine” when something’s wrong. We’ve got to be more present and willing to discuss things when they come up. On the flip side, women also need to recognize that men might express their feelings differently—through actions rather than words.

Angela

Exactly! Men show love through what they do, not just what they say. Women, on the other hand, often show love through words. And that's why it’s so important for both sides to understand each other’s love languages. That mutual understanding creates harmony.

Emanuel

And this brings me to something that’s really important for men—"." It’s not that men want to avoid conflict; it’s that we value having a calm, stable environment where we can feel supported, loved, and accepted. Men are often under a lot of pressure to perform—whether it's at work or in other areas of life—and when we come home, we want to feel like we can relax and be ourselves. We don’t want constant drama or tension.

Angela

I couldn’t agree more. Peace in the relationship is essential for both partners. But women also want —not just financial security, but emotional security. We want to feel that our partner will be there for us, that we can trust them, and that we’re both in it for the long haul. It’s about knowing that we have someone who has our back, no matter what

Emanuel

Speaking of communication, let’s talk about the elephant in the room—technology. Dating apps, texting, social media... they all promised to make connecting easier, but don’t you think they’ve made things even more complicated?

Angela

You're so right. It’s like, technology was meant to enhance communication, but instead, it often creates these layers of confusion. For example, how often do people misread a simple text because they can't hear the tone?

Emanuel

Ah, the "K" text. You know, you send a full message, and all you get back is "K." And suddenly you’re sitting there wondering,

Angela

Exactly! And a lot of people use technology as a substitute for real conversations. I’ve seen couples who argue through text but can’t express a single feeling face to face. It’s... well, it’s alarming.

Emanuel

So True. It’s almost like we’ve started hiding behind screens instead of just being upfront. And that brings me to another thing—expectations. Thanks to social media, we’re constantly comparing our relationships to these filtered, perfect-looking couples online.

Angela

Yes, and that comparison trap—it’s dangerous. I’ve counseled couples who were deeply unhappy, not because of anything wrong in their own relationship but because they felt like they were falling short compared to those “Instagram-perfect” lives.

Emanuel

Makes you think, right? Like, are we even arguing about real problems, or are we just chasing some illusion?

Angela

That’s such a great point. And it leads to something else I’ve noticed, which is the importance of honest communication. I remember during one of my trips to Africa, I worked with families where openness was prioritized over anything else. They didn’t have all this technology, but their relationships thrived on mutual reliance and understanding.

Emanuel

That sounds like the way it should be. But let’s be real here—couples today aren’t always clear about what they want or need, right? So miscommunication just spirals, and suddenly it's like, “How did we end up here?”

Angela

Oh, absolutely. There’s this one story I never forget. A young woman I counseled kept telling her partner she wanted him to "be present." He thought that meant physical presence, so he’d stay home more. But her real need? Emotional availability. He wasn’t connecting with her on a deeper level, and that caused so much frustration on both sides.

Emanuel

Oh, yeah. That’s huge. And what’s crazy is, it’s not like these things are impossible to figure out—it’s just about taking the time to ask and, ya know, actually listen.

Angela

Exactly. And sometimes, stepping back and truly listening—not just hearing—is all it takes to break down those barriers.

Emanuel

You’re absolutely right about stepping back and truly listening. It’s such a game changer. Let’s dive deeper into how communication works in relationships—not just the act of talking, but really tuning in and understanding each other. Active listening goes so far beyond just hearing the words; it’s about giving your partner the space to feel heard. You know, I taught a class on the subject of listening to understand Before speaking!

Angela

Yes, I remenber that class. There’s such a critical difference there. Active listening is about engaging fully—putting aside distractions, maintaining eye contact, and allowing yourself to truly absorb what the other person is saying. It’s not easy, but it’s so powerful.

Emanuel

Exactly. It’s something the Marine Corps drilled into me. Communication is everything in high-pressure situations. If you’re not fully present, people can get... well, it can go very wrong. But in relationships, it’s like—we sometimes forget how high the stakes are emotionally.

Angela

You know, that reminds me of a technique I often share with couples. It’s called the “5-minute rule.” Essentially, when emotions run high, both partners step away from the discussion for exactly five minutes. This gives them time to regulate their feelings and come back ready to talk, not just react.

Emanuel

Huh, five minutes? That’s interesting. I can see how that’d help you cool down enough to actually listen, instead of just throwing fuel on the fire.

Angela

Exactly. One study I came across showed that this small pause lowers cortisol levels—basically, the stress hormone—making it easier to empathize and understand the other person’s perspective. It’s such a simple tool, but it can be transformative.

Emanuel

Alright, I like that. But let’s give people more tools. One thing I’ve found is framing conversations around Thinking, like, “I Think like this,” instead of “You always do that.” It changes the whole tone, right?

Angela

Absolutely. That can work. When you own your emotions instead of placing blame, it invites the other person to step into your experience rather than becoming defensive. It’s such a small shift in language, but it can lead to much bigger changes in the relationship.

Emanuel

And you know what else? Being direct. Sometimes, we overthink stuff—or worse, we think our partners can read our minds. Like, just say what you need, right? Makes life way easier.

Angela

Yes! Clear, honest communication is so underrated. And when it’s paired with active listening, it creates this beautiful feedback loop where both partners feel heard and valued. That’s the foundation of any strong relationship.

Emanuel

True. And it’s like we’ve been saying—it’s not rocket science, but it does take effort. Relationships are about showing up and doing the work, every single day.

Angela

Well said. So, to all our listeners, just remember—whether it’s using the “5-minute rule” or practicing active listening, even small changes can make a huge difference. It’s about building a connection that lasts.

Emanuel

And that’s all for today, folks. Keep working on those communication skills and those relationships. Doctor Holmes, thank you for your insight. I hope you will come back for another episode. How about you sign us off?

Angela

It would be my pleasure, Thank you all of the "A Man's Perspective" audience, for making me feel so welcome on this platform. I am Evangelist, Doctor Angela Holmes, Have a Blessed day.

Emanuel

I am your Host, Emanuel NajeeUllah, Stay Safe.