Masculinity is Not Toxic – It’s Misunderstood

Emanuel

Hello, and thank you for joining "A Man's Perspective." Today, We have Doctor Apostle Angela Holmes all the way from Chicago. Alright, let’s just get right into it. There’s this narrative out there right now: that masculinity equals toxicity. I think we’ve all heard it. It's this broad-brush label that misses the mark completely.

Angela

Hello, Emanuel, and thank you for inviting me to "A Man's Perspective." Platform, It is always a pleasure. I must say, I primarily agree with your statement that masculinity has a perception of toxicity. And it’s harmful, not just to men, but to society as a whole. Reducing masculinity to a singular definition—one of dominance and control—it’s not just unfair, it’s incorrect.

Emanuel

Exactly. Look, real masculinity isn’t about, you know, trying to dominate people or prove you’re the loudest guy in the room. It’s about being disciplined, being a protector, and—this is key—being a leader. That’s what masculinity is about.

Angela

And when you think about it, that discipline, that drive to protect and lead, it’s foundational. It’s core to so much of what allows families and communities to thrive. Turning that into something negative is just... well, it’s misguided.

Emanuel

Uh huh, exactly. And the problem, I think, is we confuse insecurity for masculinity. You know, like when someone’s acting out, trying to control instead of lead. That’s insecurity, not strength.

Angela

That’s such an important distinction. Because when we lump everything under one label, we lose the ability to see the difference. True masculinity—real masculinity—is about serving others, building something greater than yourself.

Emanuel

Right, right. And it’s funny because the people pointing fingers at masculinity—calling it toxic—they’re not seeing the full picture. Like, the strength it takes to hold things together, to make tough choices for the good of everyone. That’s not toxic, that’s responsibility.

Angela

And responsibility is something we should celebrate, not criticize. Masculinity, at its best, shows up in protection, accountability, and, as you said, leadership. It’s not some relic of the past—it’s essential.

Emanuel

Right. And that's what we need to reclaim, right? Because letting people run around thinking masculinity equals toxicity? That’s a lie we’ve been sold, and it’s one we shouldn’t accept.

Angela

Absolutely. True masculinity has always been about showing up, not tearing down. And that’s the message that needs to be amplified.

Emanuel

And that brings us to the everyday examples of what real masculinity looks like. Like the kind of men who don’t make the headlines, right? They’re just quietly stepping up, doing what needs to be done with no applause, no spotlight—just pure responsibility. I mean, think about farmers—guys out there before sunrise, working the land, feeding communities. No one’s giving them trophies, but their contributions are invaluable.

Angela

It’s so true. And, really, that kind of quiet strength is everywhere. Think about first responders or construction workers. They’re, they’re literally building and protecting the very infrastructure we rely on every day. And yet, they rarely get the recognition they deserve.

Emanuel

Exactly. And here's something people need to hear—ninety-three percent of workplace deaths? Yeah, they’re men. Not because they’re reckless, but because they take the jobs that need to get done. Dangerous work. Essential work.

Angela

It’s staggering when you actually stop to think about that. These men are shouldering risks for the sake of their families, their communities. It’s not just work; it’s a commitment to something bigger than themselves.

Emanuel

And that’s the thing—masculinity isn’t about showing off, it’s about showing up. You don’t see masculine men jumping around for attention. They’re the ones steadying the ship in times of chaos, holding it down when it really matters. Look at firefighters running toward the flames, or dads pulling double shifts to keep food on the table. That’s masculinity.

Angela

Absolutely. And it’s not just in crisis moments either. Real masculinity plays such a foundational role in family and community life. The statistics don’t lie—when fathers are involved, children tend to perform better in school, have higher self-esteem, and a stronger sense of what healthy relationships look like. That’s powerful.

Emanuel

Yeah, yeah! And it’s not about shouting it from the rooftops—it’s just doing what has to be done. Like, when you need that steady hand, that calm in the storm, who’s there? Nine times outta ten, it’s the masculine men everyone’s so quick to criticize.

Angela

And yet, they’re often the first to be blamed and the last to be celebrated. It’s such a disservice, not just to men, but to all of us, when we fail to acknowledge the value of that kind of strength and reliability.

Emanuel

Yep. And if you really think about it, masculinity isn’t the burden—it’s the backbone. The foundation. It’s the thing that allows everything else to function smoothly—even if no one’s clapping for it.

Emanuel

And building on that foundation, let’s talk about emotional strength. It doesn’t mean being some stoic rock who never shows anything. It’s about control—it’s about having the capacity to feel deeply and still make decisions based on logic and responsibility. That, too, is a form of real, grounded strength.

Angela

Right, and it’s so important to distinguish between suppression and strength. The idea isn’t to bottle everything up—it’s about learning to process emotions in a healthy way. That’s what growth looks like. That’s maturity.

Emanuel

Exactly. And when we talk about maturity, we’re talking about a shift, right? From being selfish to being selfless. From thinking about what you need right now to, to focusing on what’s best for the people counting on you—for your family, your community.

Angela

And that kind of shift—moving from self-centeredness to selflessness—that’s where you see true masculinity shine. It’s not about taking up space. It’s about creating space where others can thrive. It’s building, nurturing, guiding.

Emanuel

Yeah. And let me just say this: masculinity has been misunderstood. It’s been misrepresented. But it’s not toxic. It’s foundational. And here’s the kicker: it’s not flashy. It’s quiet. It’s consistent. It’s about leadership, service, and strength—real strength, not posturing.

Angela

It’s true. And look, that kind of strength requires courage. Courage to face challenges head-on. Courage to accept responsibility. Masculinity, at its best, is about choosing the harder, better path.

Emanuel

Right. And you know, there’s this quote by John C. Maxwell that sums it up perfectly: "The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up." Responsibility, courage, growth—that’s what masculinity is.

Angela

And that’s the call—to reclaim what masculinity really is and live it out boldly. It’s not something to be ashamed of or silenced. It’s something to stand in, to embrace, to redefine.

Emanuel

Exactly. And on that note, that’s all for today. Masculinity isn’t the enemy—it’s the answer. Strength doesn’t mean silence. It means responsibility. Let’s build something better, together.